Jokes

Top Perks in Marrying a Prince of England
1. You finally get to see the Crown Jewels
2. It really helps your career as a cover girl.
3. You find out that he's not such a royal pain in the ass after all.
4. You find out why his brother is named Prince Hairy.
5. You get to hear The King's Speech and The Prince's Pillow Talk.
6. You find out why Prince Charles in called the "Error to the throne."
7. All those hot steamy nights at F**kinghim Palace!

Statements Said About Hosni Mubarak
1. "How did he get his billions? Egypt everybody!"
2. "What else could you expect from a guy who was the head of the Egyptian Error Force?"
3. "Well, he finally united the country. Now everyone's against him."
4. "He wasn't really a dictator. He was just a president you couldn't get rid of."
5. "He's lost more face than the sphinx."
6. "How do you think he made his money? How else? Pyramid Schemes!"

Statements Said About Muammar Gadhafi
1. "What do you call supporters of Gadhafi? Gadhafist people?"
2. "He's the fibbin' Libyan."
3. "Is it Gadhafi? Or Gaddafi? Or Quaddafi? Or The Daffy? What do you expect from a guy who never spells his name the same way twice?"
4. Aide: "The Libyan people are revolting!" Gadhafi: "They sure are!"

Hugh Hefner's Possible Plans for the Future
1. "Do Hugh" Day
2. The Playboy Energizer Bunny
3. The SexOlympics
4. Playboy-ar-di Spaghetti and Meatballs
5. Hefner "Hefty" Condoms
6. A College called "Screw U."

Unusual Nicknames for Roller Derby Girls
1. Bonnie N. Collide
2. Punchin' Judy
3. Georgia W. Push
4. ComBatwoman
5. Patty Whacks
6. CinderBeltya
7. Hell's Belle

Signs That Donald Trump Might Be Going Crazy
1. If he starts dressing like a clown and calling himself "Ronald McDonald Trump."
2. If he has to go to a hospital because of a severely inflated ego.
3. If he loses all of his money at someone else's casino.
4. If he actually runs for public office instead of just pretending to be a candidate as he has for so many years.
5. If he really produces "Trump: The Musical!"

Rejected Las Vegas Slogans
1. What goes to Vegas stays in Vegas - mainly your money!
2. "Las Vegas" doesn't mean "Lost Wages." It just seems like it.
3. Use your bucks to get our f**ks!
4. Las Vegas has more churches per capita than anywhere else in the US. Because everyone's praying to win.
5. Why call it "gambling" when you can call it "gaming?"

Signs That The Aliens Might Be Taking Over
1. A best-selling book is called, "To Serve Man."
2. An unusually large number of people are dying from being wrapped tightly in cocoons.
3. The leaders of the world all start moving stiffly and talking like robots.
4. Ugly dead people wander slowly into meat markets and demand to have "Brains! Brains!"
5. An illegal alien becomes president. (Not yet, but some people think so!)

Signs That The End Of The World Might Be Coming
1. Some guy builds a spaceship and starts collecting all of the animals, two by two.
2. Every store on earth starts having "End of the World" sales.
3. For some reason, all of the politicians in Washington agree to work together to pass legislation which will benefit as many people as possible instead of wasting time and money trying to destroy each other and this country while they are at it.
4. All of the stars in the sky arrange themselves into lighted messages like "This is the end."