Hockey Jokes

Hockey is like politics. You've got the left wing, the right wing, the center, and they're always beating the hell out of each other!

A guy got mugged. He said the mugger had bad teeth, so he was either a hockey player or British.

One arena organist had a sense of humor. Whenever a visiting player would get slammed between the legs, he'd play "The Nutcracker!"

Once, I was clobbered by a hockey player who disagreed with my suggestions that the athletes were violent.

St. Louis should be a better team. After all, their opponents are always playing the Blues!

Obviously, no one expects an "offensive player" to have manners!

Teams often have to play short-handed. Especially, if their opponents have chopped off a few of their fingers!

The New Jersey Devils may have an "evil" mascot, but the Bruins have Satan playing for them!

It's called a face-off because of all of the times they try to scrape off their opponent's noses with their sticks!

Sometime the biggest goal of hockey seems to be waiting until the ref's back is turned away so that you can whack your opponent!

Hockey is like soccer on ice, so maybe it should be called Sockem!

Hockey can be funny. After all, it's the ultimate slapstick sport!

Hockey...the hitting, the slapping, the shooting, the pushing, the shoving, ...and that's just in the locker room!