tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3370820155103786462011-07-30T18:36:52.092-07:00David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.comBlogger221100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-14360865708977818082011-03-17T18:41:00.001-07:002011-03-17T18:41:42.135-07:00

Top Perks in Marrying a Prince of England1. You finally get to see the Crown Jewels2. It really helps your career as a cover girl.3. You find out that he's not such a royal pain in the ass after all.4. You find out why his brother is named Prince Hairy.5. You get to hear The King's Speech and The Prince's Pillow Talk.6. You find out why Prince Charles in called the "Error to the throne."7. All

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-55757913001764108622011-02-22T18:23:00.000-08:002011-02-22T18:24:59.527-08:00

Q: Why couldn't Cain please God?A: Because he just wasn't Abel.Q: Why was Adam mean?A: Because he was always raising Cain.Q: What kind of luggage did Delilah like?A: She preferred a Samson night.Q: Why was Boaz a mean guy before he got married?A: Because then he was Ruthless.Some things that Goliath might have thought or said before his big fight with David1."If this kid thinks he can beat me,

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-87184762258249823262010-09-12T15:15:00.000-07:002010-09-12T15:16:12.463-07:00

I've heard of the Tea Party and the Coffee Party, but I'm waiting for the Free Beer Party!American conservatives may claim to be conservative, but when it comes to defense spending, they are certainly liberal.We have the best politicians money can buy because that's the only way most of them get elected in first place.Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana resigned after getting into a sex scandal.

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-62133667102010109972010-07-29T15:48:00.000-07:002010-07-29T15:49:42.687-07:00

There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing Take Him Out of The Ball Game!Billy Martin once had four doubles in a game, but then he ran out of liquor!One official made so many bad calls, he was nicknamed, "The Dumpire."Will Pete Rose get into the Hall of Fame? Well, maybe the Gambler's Hall of Fame or the Liar's Hall of Fame!When the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth, they thought that

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-14310715745364361632010-06-22T18:56:00.001-07:002010-06-22T18:56:32.700-07:00

Q:How is the American soccer team like a referee's wife?A:They both got screwed! (USA vs. Slovenia game)Q:Why did the soccer game get hot?A:Because the referees turned off the fans!Soccer is like politics. There's a left wing, a right wing, a center, and they are all beating the hell out of each other!Steven Gerard said that "The whole team is behind Robert Green.(the English goalkeeper who

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-27018694309452296152010-04-03T10:55:00.000-07:002010-04-03T10:57:10.237-07:00

One player could really shoot hoops, but he used a .45!One team could really win on the road, they just couldn't win on a court.I know a pro who had twelve college degrees. It's easy when you make enough money to buy a university!This one guy could play like Michael Jordan. He could play like Michael Jordan played baseball.This guy was a real team leader...in turnovers, fouls, and arrests.How

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-34559837056903966512010-03-05T14:43:00.000-08:002010-03-05T14:44:47.008-08:00

Hockey is like politics. You've got the left wing, the right wing, the center, and they're always beating the hell out of each other!A guy got mugged. He said the mugger had bad teeth, so he was either a hockey player or British.One arena organist had a sense of humor. Whenever a visiting player would get slammed between the legs, he'd play "The Nutcracker!"Once, I was clobbered by a hockey

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-72540100288731644062010-02-22T15:28:00.000-08:002010-02-22T15:29:13.731-08:00

We used to go bobsledding, but eventually, we wore out Bob!Eddie The Eagle Edwards was a British ski jumper who used to flap his arms in attempts to lengthen his jumps. He inspired such athletes as Freddie the Falcon, Connie the Condor, Fanny the Flapper, and Vinnie the Vulture before Olympic officials changed the rules to ban athletes from using innovative methods to stay aloft. Since he is

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-2957736059669392882010-02-15T17:22:00.000-08:002010-02-15T17:24:08.094-08:00

The Canadian Prime Minister told his country's athletes to be friendly as well as competitive. So while they want to be good hosts, they also want to kick our butts while doing it!There's so much hype about skier Lindsey Vonn that maybe they'll just rename the city Vonncouver!I tried curling, but then my hair fell out!Gillian Cooke, a bobsledder, ripped her skintight uniform, revealing her

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-83145342170778204192009-12-29T12:34:00.000-08:002009-12-29T13:00:02.343-08:00

The Christmas season brings out a lot of holiday related movies and few have been maligned as much as the cult classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Honestly, you have to love a cheesy title like that and everything this ultra-low budget curiosity from 1964. K-mar, the discount Martian, leads a mission to Earth to kidnap Saint Nick for the red planet. His men wear bad green make-up and

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-21364486911288777222009-11-17T07:22:00.000-08:002009-11-17T07:43:51.570-08:00

Recently, I saw the clunker film, The Giant Claw (1957), a movie so bad it's good. It's about a giant muppet bird which terrorizes the world. The monster, which is supposed to be like some kind of roc, looks more like a buzzard reject from Sesame Street. This creature laid a really big egg! Anyway, this really big turkey is biting at plastic planes and toy soldiers thrown at it while the human

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-21383331795752402482009-10-13T05:05:00.000-07:002009-10-13T05:17:20.639-07:00

I don't know if any of you have see this movie called Zoo. It's about this guy who died of injuries he receieved while trying to have sex with a horse. At least he was in a "stable" relationship. Talk about "sowing his wild oats!" I've heard of girlfriends who were "real nags" but this is ridiculous! As Mr. Ed, the talking horse once said, "A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-46347550227376648572009-05-24T19:09:00.000-07:002009-05-24T19:10:13.094-07:00

Maybe that new Star Trek film should be called Star Trek The College Days because it often seemed to be like a frat party out of control. First, Kirk gets horny with Uhura. Then Kirk gets it on with a green woman. Then Uhura and Spock make out. Uhura and Spock? I never knew there was anything between those two! What is this? Star Trek, The Sex Generation? What next? Sulu and Scotty? I

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-58859593980451538772009-04-25T19:42:00.000-07:002009-04-25T19:46:04.239-07:00

How do you tell if a shirt is an official Beatles shirt?  When it has a Ringo around the collar!What do you call a dessert topping for cats?  Pussy Whip!Why was the forest animal indecent?  Because he always had a bear butt! Apparently, the least played song at funerals is "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!" I used to tell a lot of bad lies, but I'm over that.  I tell much better ones now!Our local

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-30365474964960009602008-09-05T09:09:00.000-07:002008-09-05T09:10:10.905-07:00

I'm glad Dick Cheney won't be VP too much longer. After all, there have been too many Dicks in the White House! Ralph Nader says he's an independent, but actually he really belongs to the TakeawayenoughvotesfromObamatohelpMcCainwin Party! Sarah Palin said that she doesn't know what the vice president is supposed to do. A few more remarks like that and she won't have to find out anyway! The

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-56486926022286312322008-08-26T21:17:00.000-07:002008-08-26T21:19:36.145-07:00

Now that baseball and softball have been dropped from the Olympics, you can be sure that the British will add cricket, rugby, darts, and snooker to take their places! Maybe Lloy Ball should have been named "Volley." Unfortunately, Lolo Jones did not finish her race in a Lolo time! When the going in gymnastics got nasty, we got Nastia! Another good thing about having the Olympics in China, no one

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-19634908507029852942008-08-19T06:58:00.000-07:002008-08-19T06:59:31.135-07:00

Nastia Luikin won the gold in the woman's all-around event in gymnastics. The competition was nasty, but she was Nastia! How do they extinguish the Olympic flame? Mark Spitz! China was a good choice for the Olympics. At least they chose a country where no one would possibly want to defect to! Where do dissodents eat in China? The Deli Lama! I hear gambling is illegal in China because no one

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-69577044546753698822008-08-06T09:05:00.000-07:002008-08-19T06:59:52.399-07:00

The Democrats are trying a new campaign slogan. To stop Osama, Vote Obama! Not to be outdone, the Republicans have come up with Want Bush again? Then Vote McCain! I believe that the president's advisors have mislead him on several issues. He hates people who disagree with him so who can blame his advisors for beating around a Bush! I've heard that Brad Pitt has two daughters, Peach Pitt and

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-57638627026723148592008-07-16T05:53:00.000-07:002008-08-19T07:00:12.650-07:00

What's the difference between James Brown and Bush? One is the king of soul and the other is the king a**hole! Rudolph Guiliani spent 50 million dollars on his campaign and won one delegate. He wasn't a presidential hopeful as much as he was a presidential hopeless!~ Why do some people think John McCain tells untruths in Iberia? Because McCain in Spain lies mainly on the plain! We wanted a

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-76756367632552907632008-07-09T06:27:00.000-07:002008-08-19T07:00:24.274-07:00

Bush thought that he knew Cheney, but as we have seen, he just didn't know Dick! Bozo and Jesse Helms died on the same day. One was a clown who was always making a fool out of himself and the other was a tv show host! I apologize for comparing Jesse Helms with Bozo. Please accept my apology, Bozo! Jeremiah Wright used to be Obama's minister, but he sure turned out to be Jeremiah Wrong! Obama

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-81902608285008846722008-07-04T23:59:00.000-07:002008-08-19T07:00:37.362-07:00

John McCain doesn't know how to use a computer. That's alright, he has an excuse. When he was growing up, they only had clay tablets, anyway. Is John McCain the Anti-Christ? Well, when you add the number of letters from each of the names, "Johnny Sidney McCain," what do you get? 666, the mark of the beast. Coincidence? I think not! How much mush would a George Bush push if a George Bush did

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-337082015510378646.post-84192737718526477772008-06-14T21:50:00.000-07:002008-08-19T07:00:48.134-07:00

Whatever the president does, he's between Iraq and a hard place! Hilary is between Barack and a hard place! Why don't they let dogs in at the White House? They're afraid that one might pee on a Bush! Elliot Spitzer quit as governor of New York in order to become a "prostituting" attorney! Why is your s**t worth more than the president's s**t? Because a turd in the hand is worth two in a Bush!

David Sowardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00748342115518258142noreply@blogger.com0